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The Day

I want to see the day when
I can look at others in the eye.
I want to see the day that
I can actually be myself.
I want to see the day
where I don’t need to dream for comfort.
I want to see the day when
I can proudly say “Hooray!”
I want to know that
feeling of sincere security.
I’d like to finally help
myself so I can be of service.
I want to change the world
so those like me don’t have to worry.
I’d just like to know that
my existence is really worth the wait.
I like to think that one day’s probably going to be tomorrow
And I like to hope my
suffering will finally end today.
I just like to think that
maybe what I feel’s not really real
But I do like to take
denial as my full reality.
The worst part is that no
one else who’s there can even help me
But I feel as if I don’t
even have friends there anyway.
It’s as if my whole
existence is a trivial pursuit
And God just put me here
to suffer – hope that no one follows suit.
They claim that I’m either
faking or that I just want attention
And apparently I’m really
“well-off” when that’s just not reality.
I don’t get the words of
comfort – rather they just want me mute
And so what then?  Do I find a gun, aim for my head, and shoot?!
If they only saw inside my
mind – the darkness and the demons
Then maybe they would know
exactly why I want to hide.
If only they could see the
light, the pureness of my heart,
Then maybe they would see
I’m worth the effort after all.
Buts and maybes are not
real – to my dismay
Their acceptance isn’t
something for which I’m willing to pay.
I would rather live off
nature – away from this society.

But the truth is that
they’d like to see me there rather than here.

Originally written on December 26, 2013

from Blogger

Filed under: The Day

About the Author

Posted by

A formerly misguided young adult, trying to find his way and purpose in the world and striving on to make life bearable. I am a queer, invisibly disabled Filipino and American man with Brown skin, on my way to living my life unabashed and without shame.

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