After much thought, I decided to use this site again since I already had my established username as a part of it.
Back when I first created this site, I was a feeble-minded 13 year-old who only cared about Pokemon who slowly gained the voice of a conservative bigot as influenced by his parents. Now I’m a 19 year-old who cares about others, takes on a liberal philosophy, but still has the heart of that kid, just a more refined one. So as you can imagine, I went through a total transformation from those days.
Throughout my childhood and just until recently, I always had the desire to belong and always compromised myself in order to attempt to “fit in”. My policy was this: try something new so that you can become popular and if that doesn’t work, try something else. I had the right idea, but the wrong ulterior motives. For so long, my focus was so concentrated in other people liking me that I never tried to see who I really was other than the kid who tried to please everybody. I could always be described as being “nice” and indeed it is in my nature to be that word, but why? And with that thought questioned, why am I like this in the first place?
Recently, I’ve realized the answer to my own pressing questions. Thing is, the reason why I chose to be someone else’s embodiment of the “perfect student” and failed, the “perfect Christian” and fell out, and the “perfect son” but turned out as expected through an unwanted manner is all because I never learned to think for my own self, I always neglected myself, from my health to my needs, it seems like to me, I am the most insignificant person on earth. What never helped is that I could never make many good friends and so it’s not like my self-esteem would’ve been off the charts. Knowing that barely anyone could’ve cared about me and my needs or desires, I would only want someone’s attention and made decisions based on what I sensed other people wanted of me instead of who I already perfectly was, myself!
But no more! I realized just recently that I was perfect the way I am. Despite the fact that I’m gay, I’m still a human being with talents, dreams, and family, and I am not hesitant to put people out of my life who will only put me down! Despite the fact that I’m Asian I’m not taking the conventional scientific path that many of us were blessed to have the minds to comprehend, though I was given a beautiful mind that works easily with creative and philosophical subjects and media. Despite the fact that I have dyspraxia, that didn’t stop me from making the grade or graduating with honors, I mean, I only found out and realized that I had this developmental abnormality near my 19th birthday! Despite the fact that I am who I am, I will become the person I want to be and know that I can reach those goals!
So this blog, what does this blog have to do with my “impending success”? Well, this is where I’ll be chronicling my personal life, from trials and tribulations to happiness and success, anyone who’s willing is invited to view how things go with me. Thanks for reading but keep on reading!
Be yourself and stay great!
– Chris ^_^